Sad today

I'm very sad and upset today. I have to call my doctor to have tests done or something as I haven't lost any weight this week. I actually gained weight. I have been drinking a gallon of water a day and no sodas. I don't know, maybe I just hold water too much and too long. I'm very sad and depressed. I feel like a fat cow. I was measured by Dede and I gained inches in some areas and stayed the same in others. That sucks.

I feel so fat and old and ugly. Nothing to do with Boogie Box, it’s just me feeling depressed that I have let myself get out of shape. I don’t want to be able to tell people I’m a diabetic and have them not look surprised. I want it the way it used to be when I would tell people I was a diabetic and they would say “Wow really? You don’t LOOK like a diabetic”, and I used to get upset and think “WTF is a diabetic supposed to look like?”. But I know they were talking about the 95% of diabetics that are out there, Type 2 diabetics who are usually overweight. Now they don’t seem surprised when I tell them I’m a diabetic and that makes me really sad.

I AM my Goal picture

Well I was thinking about how after a certain age you gain like 5 pounds a year. And I realized in 2000 I was 50 lbs lighter then I am now. WTF? That's actually 6 lbs a year that I've gained since 2000. Wow that sucks. I mean yes I'm losing it now, but it seems to take so long to lose it. I wonder every day, "what am I doing wrong?" "I didn't eat bad and I worked out hard" It makes me sad to be like this. I want to be back to my fitness model self. I have my "goal" pictures up all over, you know the ones "they" say to put up a goal picture of someone who has the body you want to have? Well they are all of me. That makes me sad, what the heck did I do, stopped working out as much, stopped eating right, having over 8 surgeries and pneumonia, cracking my ribs flying off of a horse. ? I mean are those good excuses? I don't think so. I can't blame having my daughter as I actually weighed LESS then I did before I got pregnant when I left the hospital. I was 119. That's pretty darn great. Ten years of Karate I guess kept me in shape pretty great back then along with the fact that I was....21. I'm feel really old and ugly today. Usually I'm full of energy and happy and raring to go, not today. It's drab weather and I'm feeling drab. Boogie Box is tonight, maybe after that I will feel better, I usually do. You want to see me, my goal picture of myself? Here it is on the upper left. Me at my goal weight of 135. I'm 5'6 1/2 so that's a good weight for me. Notice my hand? I'm always covering up where I give my insulin shots, How weird is that? I subconsciously do that in all my bikini pictures. I will post more after my measurements tomorrow.....

After Boogie Box yesterday morning I came home and worked in my office then took Shaq my little dog for a hike up in the hills next to my house. Here's some pictures I took, It was exhausting but great for the butt and thighs! So here are the pictures! Pretty good huh?

This one above is from the top of the hill, it was about 4:45pm, if you enlarged the picture you would see Catalina and Dana Point Harbor.

This one below is again from the top of the hill looking at

Catalina, my home and the Dana Point Harbor.

The one below is my dog Shaq, he was SUPER tired, I made him carry his backpack!

So I will take another walk with Shaq today before Boogie Box! I want to work out like the people on the Biggest Loser (granted they don't get to walk cute little doggies) but they work out 4-6 hours a day! I figure Boogie Box, hiking with Shaq, Bowflex in the my home gym along with the elliptical, treadmill and recumbent bike in my home gym besides the weight sets and punching & kicking bags I have at home I can keep busy for quite a while....now how to fit that ALL in....hmmm.

Ooh I got weighed today and lost 3 pounds! Oh yeah! I didn't measure myself again but I will have that done on either March 3rd or is it the 10th? I forget. I'll figure it out and let ya all know! Class was terrific this morning as usual. I missed last night so I will have to figure out where to go on Friday. I think I will drive out to Tustin to try Kathy's class!

Went 1.23 miles in Boogie Box on Thursday morning in Boogie Box! My Nike Plus sensor recorded it today, I’ll wear it again on Saturday or Monday to see how many miles we go!

I thought last week it was that time of month, but it MUST be this week. I know, it sounds weird, I should know that BUT I had a surgery called Novasure www.novasure.com/ on November 21, 2007 which removes the lining of the uterus. I had it because no more kids, not wanting a hysterectomy and not in menopause but I didn’t want such heavy bleeding and hemorrhaging each month. I haven’t had bleeding since…but I still have the period symptoms, so I’m actually feeling the symptoms now, plus the water weight. I will have this happen every month, that hasn’t changed unfortunately. For some reason I always gain 4-8lbs in one week then I lose it then “that time” is over. So hopefully later this week it will all be gone.

I weighed myself today and lost 2lbs since yesterday so maybe the "that time of month weight" is finally coming off, every month without fail my body gains like up to 8lbs of water and then a week or week and a half later it's gone all in a couple of days. So weird.

I feel like the eating more doesn’t work as I gained weight this past week instead of losing and now I’m back to losing. Maybe it's just the water weight, maybe not, I guess I'll see.

On Thursday after Boogie Box I went to the hairdresser and I got my hair darker with just blonde streaks instead of being the blonde with dark roots! She will have to add more dark streaks in 6 weeks but for now it's much better and healthier looking. Got to have the healthy hair with the healthy body! When I got home from getting my hair done there was an electrical outage in our neighborhood so it was the prime opportunity to take my dog Shaq for a walk/hike through the hills where I live, We only went 2 miles, but it was all really steep hills, and this time I wasn't out of breath like I used to be before Boogie Box. It was as though I was a different person going up those hills! YAY!

I have cramps but no bleeding from my periods since the Novasure surgery. Weird, it’s a bummer because I gain all this water weight, my breasts hurt and I have cramps and have cravings for salty things, bad very bad. Then after I ate the bacon wrapped artichoke hearts I got a bad headache like 5 minutes later! I looked up online “Does bacon give you a headache?” and I thought nothing would come up, BUT I got a LOT of links regarding why it DOES! Because of the Nitrates in it and other cured meats. MSG also of course is bad and cause headaches. SO no more bacon for me, it’s too fatty anyway, even the low fat bacon we have. Urgh. Cramps hurt too much even to walk my dog!


I'll post more in a couple of days!

When I got home from getting my hair done today there was an electrical outage in our neighborhood so it was the prime opportunity to take my dog Shaq

for a walk/hike through the hills where I live, We only went 2 miles, but it was all really steep hills, and this time I wasn't out of breath like I used to be before Boogie Box. It was as though I was a different person going up those hills! YAY!

Today there is no Boogie Box, but since I have taken thhe instructor workshop I will do all the rounds from Group 1 on my own to the DVD that comes with taking the instructor course.

I'll post more on Sunday!

Here are my pictures as promised, the first one of course you saw before is my "starting" picture when I joined the test group. The second picture I took today 02-17-09 when I was feeling sad about not losing weight this week, but I think I look better then the first picture, what do you think? Here are my notes for today:

Hello all! Today I am depressed because I didn't lose weight this week. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose. Urgh hopefully it's just water weight so I've been drinking a lot of water to clean myself out. It's good for everyone and it helps keep you refreshed. I can see that I've lost a lot around my middle, thanks also to Dede who keeps reminding everybody in the classes to "tuck it in" and "tighten those abs", etc. I've been going to every class except for Fridays and Sundays, but doing Boogie Box at Fashion Island sounds like fun for this upcoming Sunday!! We are working on Round 2 now and it kicks my butt! Trust me guys and gals there is no turning back and your body will not plateau with Boogie Box!

I will try to put bigger pictures on the blog next time, this is the first time I've done a Blog so I apologize for any mess ups I do.

I will check back in on Thursday!